We fall in love with who we want to be. The larger the gap is between who we are and who we want to be, the harder we fall in love. I think about men who were drug addicts with women who supported them and as soon as they got clean they broke up with them and found someone new. Women who supported men in poverty, who were dumped by those very same men the minute they were no longer in poverty. And like you said, you're too grown to be a girls girl. You're too grown to entertain the foolishness many women expect you to entertain because you are a woman. Let them have those men. They're what they deserve.
We’re not here to be someone’s emotional bandage while they avoid their own healing
In both life and the work I do especially in B2B health I’ve learned the importance of mutual nourishment. Survival shouldn't come at the cost of someone else's wholeness.
thanks for putting this in words this is what ive been dealing with a close friend of mine. the description you used is perfect. i did feed myself to her starvation and thats why she behaves (as my mom's calls it) as if im her baby father. im not gonna vent about all the experiences that displayed the exact dynamic you described even though it is very tempting to do so lol. and its crazy because i never wanted to be nourishment; i just thought we were two lost girls, trying to survive life, willing to share love between ourselves. but alas people can never be what you think or want them to be.
so i concur, once you start being needed you are no longer wanted. they will only look for you when needed and then be upset when you act on your own agency. and then act like you haven't known each other for years even tho they still expect you to give and perform. and thats all your relationship will become. very important to build community with people who want to build community with you.
"Don’t be someone’s favorite way to escape starvation. People love to talk about love yet they don’t like talking about need and how much relief to meet their need they’re truly looking for. So instead of assuming full responsibility for their life, they’ll hope someone or something in life will carry them to the top."
Fucking hell, this is such a beautiful to put it. This is a fantastic essay.
I dearly needed to read this article this very week, as I discovered my lover is not only married, but has a child on the way. The entire relationship was a lie he spun up to ensnare my stability, self-awareness, and freedom so he could experience a taste of what life could be like outside the cage of his own making.
I have experienced women behaving such. What she calls "protecting my sister" is most of the times jealousy. I'm quite sure her sister will end up with the same man who disrespected her (especially if she's a bitch). And the self-proclaimed "protector" doesn't want that to happen. What's projected as concern, is deep down insecurity, envy, and jealousy.
Dare I say you ate with this essay.
Ate down
We fall in love with who we want to be. The larger the gap is between who we are and who we want to be, the harder we fall in love. I think about men who were drug addicts with women who supported them and as soon as they got clean they broke up with them and found someone new. Women who supported men in poverty, who were dumped by those very same men the minute they were no longer in poverty. And like you said, you're too grown to be a girls girl. You're too grown to entertain the foolishness many women expect you to entertain because you are a woman. Let them have those men. They're what they deserve.
We’re not here to be someone’s emotional bandage while they avoid their own healing
In both life and the work I do especially in B2B health I’ve learned the importance of mutual nourishment. Survival shouldn't come at the cost of someone else's wholeness.
This needs to be talked about more. Thank you for this post.
thanks for putting this in words this is what ive been dealing with a close friend of mine. the description you used is perfect. i did feed myself to her starvation and thats why she behaves (as my mom's calls it) as if im her baby father. im not gonna vent about all the experiences that displayed the exact dynamic you described even though it is very tempting to do so lol. and its crazy because i never wanted to be nourishment; i just thought we were two lost girls, trying to survive life, willing to share love between ourselves. but alas people can never be what you think or want them to be.
so i concur, once you start being needed you are no longer wanted. they will only look for you when needed and then be upset when you act on your own agency. and then act like you haven't known each other for years even tho they still expect you to give and perform. and thats all your relationship will become. very important to build community with people who want to build community with you.
"Don’t be someone’s favorite way to escape starvation. People love to talk about love yet they don’t like talking about need and how much relief to meet their need they’re truly looking for. So instead of assuming full responsibility for their life, they’ll hope someone or something in life will carry them to the top."
Fucking hell, this is such a beautiful to put it. This is a fantastic essay.
I dearly needed to read this article this very week, as I discovered my lover is not only married, but has a child on the way. The entire relationship was a lie he spun up to ensnare my stability, self-awareness, and freedom so he could experience a taste of what life could be like outside the cage of his own making.
exposure feels violent when your self-worth is stitched together by perception.
SO TRUE
I have experienced women behaving such. What she calls "protecting my sister" is most of the times jealousy. I'm quite sure her sister will end up with the same man who disrespected her (especially if she's a bitch). And the self-proclaimed "protector" doesn't want that to happen. What's projected as concern, is deep down insecurity, envy, and jealousy.