an unpleasant conversation with a eugenicist

who happens to be a pediatric nurse.

A Black woman posed a genuine question: Is it eugenics or consideration when two disabled parents choose to have a child, knowing the child might share their conditions? She cloaked her eugenic beliefs as “concern” for the child’s quality of life. To challenge her perspective, a white individual drew a parallel: “So, should Black people not have children because of racism’s impact on their lives?”

The Black woman questioned if that statement was well thought out, asserting that racism is a choice—people can unlearn it. But disability? There’s no redo button. She concluded by labeling the comparison as an odd way of thinking.

The irony writes itself.

You come online seeking insight to unlearn eugenics. Someone offers a thought-provoking parallel to highlight how eugenics roots itself in regulating autonomy. Instead of reflecting, you dismiss it, letting the point fly over your head, all while claiming racism can be unlearned—but failing to recognize that eugenics, too, can be unlearned. So, was your initial query genuine, or just a mask?

You can’t undo being born Black, yet we’re here, enduring the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual tolls of racism. But the line gets drawn at being disabled? Make it make sense.

So I responded plainly: Having children under any form of oppression is a deliberate choice. Black people can’t opt out of racism, just as disabled people can’t opt out of ableism. Their parallel was spot on.

Then things took a darker turn.

I received a reply from @ _Nurse******: “No it [the parallel] was awful. Being disabled and having a low quality of life and forcing that physical harm on your child is very different. As Black people, we can at least hang out in different spaces.”

I expressed concern about a Black nurse leaning into eugenics. She doubled down, emphasizing she’s a soon-to-be pediatric nurse.

No, the parallel wasn’t awful—her interpretation was. She heard “racism” and immediately defaulted to comparison, not comprehension. She said disabled people are “forcing harm” on their children yet when a white commentator used her same logic against her now it’s different.

She’s a nurse. A future pediatric nurse practitioner. She’s trained in biopsychosocial care, but this take is missing all three. No psychology. No social context. Just biology weaponized through her own prejudice.

She says disabled parents shouldn’t have kids, but I guarantee she knows an able-bodied parent who traumatized their child. The logic doesn’t hold.

What she’s doing is moralizing reproductive choices through fear. She’s not trying to prevent suffering—she’s trying to regulate who gets to reproduce. That’s not healthcare. That’s historical violence with a scrub top on.

This is alarming… Y’all I really do fear for children everyday man. Society and individuals do not give a fuck about them. I’ll be honest: I don’t particularly like willfully ignorant people. The ones who choose arrogance over curiosity. The ones who argue in bad faith, knowing they’ve got nothing to stand on but ego and vibes. But even in all my contempt, I would never cross the line of saying they shouldn’t have kids.

When I say “willfully ignorant,” I’m talking about the people who deny scientific consensus while benefiting from it. The ones who scoff at systemic inequality while standing on its scaffolding. The ones who rewrite history in their heads to avoid responsibility, who refuse education because learning requires humility, who duck self-reflection because it means reckoning with their complicity. The people who weaponize ignorance like it’s armor, proudly uninformed, loudly untouched by the lives of anyone outside their narrow experience.

And yet—I still take the time to speak, to share what I know, to offer insight even when I know it might be ignored. Not because I think they deserve it. But because I know what it means to live in a world where ignorance goes unchallenged. Because withholding knowledge is how oppression survives. So I say what I say, even if they scroll past it, laugh at it, misquote it, or dismiss it. Even if they never use it. Because somebody else might. Thats responsibility I’m willing to take on.

Speaking of eugenics and children, it’s not outrageous to state that children have been the most oppressed and exploited class throughout human history, irrespective of their parents’ abilities. This leads me to question: Why are we okay with bringing children into a world that doesn’t care for them?

To those leaning into eugenics:

• If you believe children shouldn’t grow up in poverty, work to eradicate poverty.

• If you think disabled people shouldn’t have kids due to lack of support, be that support.

• If you believe mentally ill individuals shouldn’t have children, fight to ensure they have access to proper rehabilitation, medical care, and support.

• If you think people shouldn’t have kids due to racism, it’s your responsibility to dismantle it.

Everyone wants to shame individuals instead of scrutinizing the systems and beliefs that shape them. No one wants to take responsibility for the society they claim to desire. They’d rather talk, assign blame, and move on. This delusion highlights how mindless, clueless, and deceptive people can be daily, showing a blatant disregard for the future of our children.