Wow this is one of the most incredible pieces I’ve read in awhile. I resonate so deeply with everything you wrote, especially the part about women wanting a relief. I’ve found myself using dating as a means to escape in the past, because I wanted a “reprieve,” but that’s not what dating, especially dating men, offers…at least not most of the time. Thank you for your words
This summed up everything I've felt about the idea of dating. It is a silent killer for many ambitious women. From the outside, society cheers because we're no longer single. But from inside the relationship we can feel ourselves being pulled away from our goals more and more. It's maddening. Thank you for putting this so succinctly
Enjoyed reading! I'd be lying if I said I haven't been in this space before. But after putting dating on the backburner for a while (5 years to be exact), I've walked back into it invigorated only attracting men who pour into me and my ambition. It makes a difference.
If they’re not adding, they’re subtracting. They’re ruining. I can’t have the best for myself with a man letting his ego dilute my dreams until they dissipate.
Just to clarify, when I say womanist, it’s not a debate about who qualifies as a “real” woman. This isn’t about policing gender; it’s about claiming power, setting boundaries, and building my empire on my terms.
Glad you’re here for the corporate energy. Let’s keep the focus on empowerment and growth.
This post gave me a great view of how messed up the dating scene is. And specifically, in the way dating works in your culture… and even though it is a lot different than what I see around me (as a person who lives in a country that is against dating and interactions between opposite genders all together), I honestly don’t know which is worse, each culture has its problems… but, I was wondering if you could share your opinion with me about this:
I don’t think love and friendship are that far away from each other, I want to be so close with my girlfriend or wife, just like I am with my best friends (my guy friends). After-all, is it love if we don’t enjoy each other’s company? I personally don’t think so.
In the modern dating scene (not that old romance was any better, considering that in most countries, women were seen as like, surface level emotional support for the man and a house tender. And I hate that, unfortunately, in my country, we are still living in that age. People tend to think that “oh well, a perfect husband should carry all the work and his wife should be comfortable and happy”. That is not comfort or happiness, it is more of a cheap bubble of bliss. I believe that one of the few things that separate a romantic partner from a platonic relationship, is that, with a romantic partner, you are axtually responsible for each other. (While with friends, they don’t have to support you all the time) You are supposed to be there for your wife and support her, and your wife is supposed to be helping you with things, even things that involve your job or her job. Couples should stimulate each other intellectually, that is way more important than physical stimulation, which is unfortunately not how most people see it, and from what I have seen, this is especially present in guys.)
Anyways back to the modern dating scene…, now it is usually for pretension, or sometimes people just feel the need to date, they see everyone around them dating and think that they must be dating too. And although I can’t blame them, it still shouldn’t be the case.
Like I mentioned before, love is just a higher level of friendship. But what people usually do is try to force that connection. You don’t see yourself forcing a connection with someone new and wanting to be best friends with them right away, do you? It usually takes over a year to become really close with a friend, to invite them over to your house or go on discord calls for multiple hours a day just to parallel play.. But when it comes to dating, we just let a random guy into our life and give him benefits that we don’t even give to our best friends? Thats dumb.
And as someone once wrote here, “a crush is just a lack of knowledge”. If you have a crush on someone, it should be because you want to know them better, not because they are pretty. (Although, some people might want to know a person better because they look a certain way. For example, in my country, most girls and boys are like, traditional, religious (to a stupid degree), and extremely pretentious (ljke pretending to be smart by posting an Instagram story in a library and drinking coffee). So, that makes me more interested in girls with short hair, or a weird style. Because they seem fun and stimulating to talk to and like they have axtually explored what they like and what they don’t, not just following what is trendy or what is seen as cool by the masses, in which case, it kinda makes sense for me to go by appearance, right..?).
Sorry if this is poorly articulated, Im not experienced in writing. But I hope the idea comes across correctly.
Wow, so I needed to read this today. It’s like reading my conscience do a mic drop. So well said.
Last year I experienced this same thing, denied my need to be alone and build my empire, dated someone when I should have been doing what my intuition was screaming about. And yes, they wanted access to me because of what it represented to their ego, while being unable to see me or keep up with me.
The only men I let into my life now are those who can serve me and support my success. Those that are already in my life are trusted and close friends who can be there for me in my journey. Dating? No fucking way. Started developing a crush recently, and as cold as it sounds, my soul shut it down. NOPE, we can’t do that right now baby.
I wish you all the best and more, and I know your silk robed evenings, life of ease and jazz club are on the way.
I read this just in time after I started worrying over why my situationship decided to wait so long to text back. WHAT THE FUCK? This was a slap to the face in a good way. This woke me the fuck up. I’m a lover girl, but it’s time to get back to pouring into me. Thanks 🙏🏽
This was so beautiful. I do agree dating can mean death to an ambitious woman
I'm all for empire building 🙌
Wow this is one of the most incredible pieces I’ve read in awhile. I resonate so deeply with everything you wrote, especially the part about women wanting a relief. I’ve found myself using dating as a means to escape in the past, because I wanted a “reprieve,” but that’s not what dating, especially dating men, offers…at least not most of the time. Thank you for your words
This summed up everything I've felt about the idea of dating. It is a silent killer for many ambitious women. From the outside, society cheers because we're no longer single. But from inside the relationship we can feel ourselves being pulled away from our goals more and more. It's maddening. Thank you for putting this so succinctly
Enjoyed reading! I'd be lying if I said I haven't been in this space before. But after putting dating on the backburner for a while (5 years to be exact), I've walked back into it invigorated only attracting men who pour into me and my ambition. It makes a difference.
Beautiful said!!! It’s so strange that ambition and love cannot coexist for women!! We always have to sacrifice something.
“Relief” wow!!!🌟
If they’re not adding, they’re subtracting. They’re ruining. I can’t have the best for myself with a man letting his ego dilute my dreams until they dissipate.
I have to say: Congratulations dear! "A womanist" just because men can be female but never women !! Go Girl! We are going corporate
Just to clarify, when I say womanist, it’s not a debate about who qualifies as a “real” woman. This isn’t about policing gender; it’s about claiming power, setting boundaries, and building my empire on my terms.
Glad you’re here for the corporate energy. Let’s keep the focus on empowerment and growth.
I understand your point and it is right... Thank you
This post gave me a great view of how messed up the dating scene is. And specifically, in the way dating works in your culture… and even though it is a lot different than what I see around me (as a person who lives in a country that is against dating and interactions between opposite genders all together), I honestly don’t know which is worse, each culture has its problems… but, I was wondering if you could share your opinion with me about this:
I don’t think love and friendship are that far away from each other, I want to be so close with my girlfriend or wife, just like I am with my best friends (my guy friends). After-all, is it love if we don’t enjoy each other’s company? I personally don’t think so.
In the modern dating scene (not that old romance was any better, considering that in most countries, women were seen as like, surface level emotional support for the man and a house tender. And I hate that, unfortunately, in my country, we are still living in that age. People tend to think that “oh well, a perfect husband should carry all the work and his wife should be comfortable and happy”. That is not comfort or happiness, it is more of a cheap bubble of bliss. I believe that one of the few things that separate a romantic partner from a platonic relationship, is that, with a romantic partner, you are axtually responsible for each other. (While with friends, they don’t have to support you all the time) You are supposed to be there for your wife and support her, and your wife is supposed to be helping you with things, even things that involve your job or her job. Couples should stimulate each other intellectually, that is way more important than physical stimulation, which is unfortunately not how most people see it, and from what I have seen, this is especially present in guys.)
Anyways back to the modern dating scene…, now it is usually for pretension, or sometimes people just feel the need to date, they see everyone around them dating and think that they must be dating too. And although I can’t blame them, it still shouldn’t be the case.
Like I mentioned before, love is just a higher level of friendship. But what people usually do is try to force that connection. You don’t see yourself forcing a connection with someone new and wanting to be best friends with them right away, do you? It usually takes over a year to become really close with a friend, to invite them over to your house or go on discord calls for multiple hours a day just to parallel play.. But when it comes to dating, we just let a random guy into our life and give him benefits that we don’t even give to our best friends? Thats dumb.
And as someone once wrote here, “a crush is just a lack of knowledge”. If you have a crush on someone, it should be because you want to know them better, not because they are pretty. (Although, some people might want to know a person better because they look a certain way. For example, in my country, most girls and boys are like, traditional, religious (to a stupid degree), and extremely pretentious (ljke pretending to be smart by posting an Instagram story in a library and drinking coffee). So, that makes me more interested in girls with short hair, or a weird style. Because they seem fun and stimulating to talk to and like they have axtually explored what they like and what they don’t, not just following what is trendy or what is seen as cool by the masses, in which case, it kinda makes sense for me to go by appearance, right..?).
Sorry if this is poorly articulated, Im not experienced in writing. But I hope the idea comes across correctly.
Beautiful write-up!!!!!
Thank you for validating why I’ve been single for over a year and a half 😌💛💕
Wow, so I needed to read this today. It’s like reading my conscience do a mic drop. So well said.
Last year I experienced this same thing, denied my need to be alone and build my empire, dated someone when I should have been doing what my intuition was screaming about. And yes, they wanted access to me because of what it represented to their ego, while being unable to see me or keep up with me.
The only men I let into my life now are those who can serve me and support my success. Those that are already in my life are trusted and close friends who can be there for me in my journey. Dating? No fucking way. Started developing a crush recently, and as cold as it sounds, my soul shut it down. NOPE, we can’t do that right now baby.
I wish you all the best and more, and I know your silk robed evenings, life of ease and jazz club are on the way.
yeah you cooked
Wow, another masterpiece🫶🏽
I read this just in time after I started worrying over why my situationship decided to wait so long to text back. WHAT THE FUCK? This was a slap to the face in a good way. This woke me the fuck up. I’m a lover girl, but it’s time to get back to pouring into me. Thanks 🙏🏽
Omg it drives me crazy when they always keep pushing after I say No to something