“Men are taught to explore life, while women are taught to explore men.” Ufffff so good. Wish I would’ve read this when I was younger 🥹 Thank you so so much
Ended a 10-year friendship last week over exactly this. I was one of three members of her support system since she moved nine hours away from home. She has a bachelors in psychology and a minor in criminal justice. Finished at the top of her class. She found a DJ who scams for a living, and he broke her spirit. Annihilated her self worth. He has shown her too many times that he does not care about her. She will not take no for an answer, fully convinced that this man, who is incapable of loving, is the only person that can make her happy. She resents me for calling him out, telling her the truth, and refusing to live with her in this world of delusion and fantasy. Wish I could send this to her.
Community is so important and I really try to let other people know this. Dating culture has stripped people’s ability to build community. Everyone wants a partner first and then find community later. Some people depend on their romantic partner to provide them with community. I used to be one of those people. I seriously had to go get a life of my own. So I had something that was mine, that I would protect, and know who I am.
this was incredible. some part of me wish i'd gotten to read it years ago, maybe even before i ever met my ex. i did exactly what you described in this piece. i'm so relieved to be free now, more than 6 months no contact. i'm living alone and taking responsibility for myself. i only have a few good friends, maybe not enough community. already doing some of the stuff on your list but i'm going to be doing more of it more actively. thank you
thanks. i will be reading this article again, maybe even several times. you put into words something i have been mulling over for months, and you did it exceptionally well. thank you, truly
The way I relate to everything you just said 😅 I also don’t have a community, just a few good friends. This article is really eye opening and something I also wish I saw years ago
Yes!! Thank you :) loved this whole thing. So relate and support this message from my own experience. The girl squad on speed dial is my lifeline for keeping me in the right direction. My last relationship just ended because my body said no and then all the girls unanimously voted NO. 4 women whom I’ve intentionally built intimate relationships with who basically know every detail of my life .. and each woman had her own perspective and flavor…her own magic to offer to the convo…and as a group (my inner circle community), I fully trust in being held, supported, encouraged in the healthiest direction for me. They know me inside and out and are not holding back their warnings when they see me getting treated in a less than high standards way. I can’t emphasize enough how life changing and important it is to develop an inner circle of friends/advisors/council before doing pretty much anything in life, especially dating. 💕 thank you for writing this out in such clear and beautifully creative words!!! ✌🏼 Chamonix
“You know—those emotionally literate, spiritually bankrupt types who read Bell Hooks once and think they’re equipped to love you.” Whewww how is this so specific & accurate 😂
This is one of those articles speaking from a perspective so different from my own, it first feels like nonsense, easy to discard. Luckily, I know by now that texts that feel that way are the most important to read.
And honestly, some of the things you are saying resonate with me as a man aswell, presumably even more so after reading this a couple more times.
So if you don’t have community, you’ll romanticize codependency. If you don’t have income, you’ll mistake consistency for love. If you don’t have your own sense of purpose, someone’s attention will feel like salvation.
Holy nectar for the collective. Thank you for writing this.
I almost, almost fell into a trap with someone and when I talked about the things that didn’t add up with my friends, they all dismissed it. I was in a vulnerable place at the time too so I believed it.
Discern the gut feeling. Always. It comes with practice, but also from trusting yourself. Fully. That’s what got me out before it was too late.
“Men are taught to explore life, while women are taught to explore men.” Ufffff so good. Wish I would’ve read this when I was younger 🥹 Thank you so so much
Agree! I needed this 20 years ago.
Glad we have it now 🤍🤍
Ended a 10-year friendship last week over exactly this. I was one of three members of her support system since she moved nine hours away from home. She has a bachelors in psychology and a minor in criminal justice. Finished at the top of her class. She found a DJ who scams for a living, and he broke her spirit. Annihilated her self worth. He has shown her too many times that he does not care about her. She will not take no for an answer, fully convinced that this man, who is incapable of loving, is the only person that can make her happy. She resents me for calling him out, telling her the truth, and refusing to live with her in this world of delusion and fantasy. Wish I could send this to her.
I’ve been you. The friendship never recovered and they’re no longer together. I’ll never regret saying my piece.
Felt.
I think we all have one friend , who unfortunately won’t see until she really sees it and most of times it’s too late .
Community is so important and I really try to let other people know this. Dating culture has stripped people’s ability to build community. Everyone wants a partner first and then find community later. Some people depend on their romantic partner to provide them with community. I used to be one of those people. I seriously had to go get a life of my own. So I had something that was mine, that I would protect, and know who I am.
Hands down the BEST READ I HAVE HAD ON HERE.
I really loved the 10 solutions you offered.
this was incredible. some part of me wish i'd gotten to read it years ago, maybe even before i ever met my ex. i did exactly what you described in this piece. i'm so relieved to be free now, more than 6 months no contact. i'm living alone and taking responsibility for myself. i only have a few good friends, maybe not enough community. already doing some of the stuff on your list but i'm going to be doing more of it more actively. thank you
congratulations for leaving that dynamic.
thanks. i will be reading this article again, maybe even several times. you put into words something i have been mulling over for months, and you did it exceptionally well. thank you, truly
The way I relate to everything you just said 😅 I also don’t have a community, just a few good friends. This article is really eye opening and something I also wish I saw years ago
Yes!! Thank you :) loved this whole thing. So relate and support this message from my own experience. The girl squad on speed dial is my lifeline for keeping me in the right direction. My last relationship just ended because my body said no and then all the girls unanimously voted NO. 4 women whom I’ve intentionally built intimate relationships with who basically know every detail of my life .. and each woman had her own perspective and flavor…her own magic to offer to the convo…and as a group (my inner circle community), I fully trust in being held, supported, encouraged in the healthiest direction for me. They know me inside and out and are not holding back their warnings when they see me getting treated in a less than high standards way. I can’t emphasize enough how life changing and important it is to develop an inner circle of friends/advisors/council before doing pretty much anything in life, especially dating. 💕 thank you for writing this out in such clear and beautifully creative words!!! ✌🏼 Chamonix
“You know—those emotionally literate, spiritually bankrupt types who read Bell Hooks once and think they’re equipped to love you.” Whewww how is this so specific & accurate 😂
This is one of those articles speaking from a perspective so different from my own, it first feels like nonsense, easy to discard. Luckily, I know by now that texts that feel that way are the most important to read.
And honestly, some of the things you are saying resonate with me as a man aswell, presumably even more so after reading this a couple more times.
Thank you!
Wow wow wow. This needs to be everywhere.
"Because you might think you’re emotionally intelligent, but love has a way of turning the lights off."
Really connect with this. It's astonishing how insecure pursuing relationship can make you feel and undo years of progress in an instant.
So if you don’t have community, you’ll romanticize codependency. If you don’t have income, you’ll mistake consistency for love. If you don’t have your own sense of purpose, someone’s attention will feel like salvation.
Holy nectar for the collective. Thank you for writing this.
This was a real good one. 🚬
A lot of people including myself needed to read this.
The neurospice checks out!
Everything you stated here is factss👏🏾👏🏾 and I enjoyed reading every bit of it
I would add: the right community.
I almost, almost fell into a trap with someone and when I talked about the things that didn’t add up with my friends, they all dismissed it. I was in a vulnerable place at the time too so I believed it.
Discern the gut feeling. Always. It comes with practice, but also from trusting yourself. Fully. That’s what got me out before it was too late.
My feed chose the worst possible day to show this to me but i really needed to see it